Retired pilot remembers flight attendant wife killed in 9/11 Pentagon attack

WASHINGTON - Families across the nation and the Washington, D.C. region are sharing stories to remember their loved ones lost on 9/11. Among those reflecting on the solemn milestone is Tom Heidenberger, an 80-year-old retired U.S. Airways pilot. He still lives in a Chevy Chase neighborhood 25 years after the tragedy.

The backstory:

On September 11, 2001, Heidenberger's wife of 30 years, Michelle, was killed when American Airlines Flight 77 was hijacked and flown into the west side of the Pentagon. Michelle was serving as the senior flight attendant on the Boeing 757, which had departed Dulles Airport bound for Los Angeles with 58 passengers and a crew of six. The crash claimed the lives of everyone aboard the plane, as well as 125 people inside the building.

The couple last spoke by phone that morning, just before the flight departed. 

"Now, 10 years later, or even that day when I replay the conversation in my mind, I can't remember if I told her that I loved her," Heidenberger recalled.

At the time of her death, the couple had two children: daughter Allison, who was 20, and son Thomas, who was 14. 

"For me, I had to survive for my children," Heidenberger said. "And to survive is to live and to live is to survive. Just that last sentence: to live, to survive. That's the only way it'll work."

Heidenberger noted that while grief has become more manageable over time, the early years were marked by private moments of intense sorrow over missed plans and postponed trips. 

Over the past quarter-century, his family has grown to include six grandchildren. He has since remarried a woman named Julia, sharing lightheartedly that he considers himself lucky to be in love with two women at the same time.

As part of his personal healing process, Heidenberger organized and led a 33-day cross-country bicycle ride from Los Angeles to the Pentagon in 2006. 

The initiative paid tribute to the 33 airline flight crew members killed on 9/11, whom he views as the "first of the first responders." It raised roughly $300,000 for the three 9/11 memorial funds, helping bring the Pentagon Memorial to life.

Rather than attend the official ceremony at the Pentagon Memorial on the 25th anniversary of 9/11, Heidenberger visited the site privately earlier in the week. He plans to mark the day by attending mass and visiting Michelle's grave.

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